The Biggest Blackest Folder

Before I left the office yesterday, I was given a thick black folder with all sorts of information regarding IVF. Enclosed were pamphlets for IVF financing, a medication list, information from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and scary consents about what to do with the embryos in case of death or divorce.

Later in the afternoon, the clinic left me a voicemail stating that if we decide to do IVF, I need to schedule a hysteroscopy and a mock transfer. Steve reviewed the paperwork while I drew him little diagrams of petri dishes, tiny pipettes, a handful of sperm and an egg, waiting to be fertilized thanks to assisted reproductive technology.  After having a discussion about his recent analysis, we have decided that IVF will be the best option for us. Then again, we really do not have a choice. We have no other option. Are we scared? We are absolutely terrified. However, I think the most painful thing about this all is that we are afraid of being too excited until we know this process will work for us.

This morning I scheduled the hysteroscopy and mock transfer for next month and tomorrow we have a meeting with the IVF financial counselor. I am slowly realizing how time consuming this is, especially for someone that is not a planner by any means. No point of complaining about this now because this is just the beginning, but I have a feeling I will be learning from this experience.

By the way, writing has helped me the last few days and the phone calls and text messages from the people we love have been heartwarming.  Trust me, I am really putting forward my best efforts to be more open.

One day at a time, right?

-E

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